Note, automated publishing did not happen last night (Dec 23) so much for trusting technology for important things:

No musical reference for this post and sssuming all goes well with my decision to use an automatic posting mechanism you will be reading this right at 9:00 pm December 2013 2014 California time.

The date and time are significant as it will have been 10 years to the moment my mother exhaled for the last time. It is also at that time which I believe my mothers spirit, on way out of the house.Stopped in our daughter’s room and gave her a kiss as she left us. With her passing, both of my parents were gone. My father having previously died about a week after I moved back to California in January of 1985.

When mom died, I was 43, our daughter was about 19 months old. Kat and I had been married for about 6 years and I was still figuring out my life as a married father.

I realize now that what my mom did for me was provide a sense of grounding and hope, though at times I do wonder what I am really doing. Lord knows if she hadn’t I might have through my own vices and such left as well not all that soon after she did.

And here I am , still bumping along, grateful to be here. And with all of that, I still feel the same slight feeling of being adrift. That sense was much stronger in me right after her death, today, well, I am still not sure of where I am headed, however I am sure that her last maternal push in the right direction that last night of her life is still present within me though so sometimes I really have to be “still” to get a sense of it.

Thanks mom, ,miss you immensely. Still hanging in there

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